1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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