I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
