I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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