We're facebook friends in real life
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
