I just made out with a guy for $7.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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