OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
