new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
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