So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
