She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
