I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
