Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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