I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
