I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
