Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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