I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I will be naked everywhere
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
