i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
