The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
