so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
