My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
