i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
God I need to hump something, right now.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
