Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
