You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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