I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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