At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
