dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I skipped work to stalk him.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Randomize
