the new term for farting is butt boxing.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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