I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
