Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
