I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
