I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
