it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
