Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
