Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
