Don't make out with my wife yet
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So apparently I’m into choking now
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
