I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
