At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
