I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
