i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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