Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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