I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
