My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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