Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
