Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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