Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
