yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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