What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
