This girl is more easily done than said...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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