So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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