our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
