After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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