you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
