my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
