dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
