i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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