let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
