They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
